We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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