Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All I want is dick and wine.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize