me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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