question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
