Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
