So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
