You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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