My first STD was from a foam party
you win again, gameday.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
