So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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