I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
