**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
