So drunk its hurt
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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