I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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