hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
