I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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