in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize