I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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