Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
