I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
where does the pee come out of this thing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
