Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said her name was "party"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
