Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
