So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
