Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize