And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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