my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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