Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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