Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize