dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
