I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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