no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
