I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
