I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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