Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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