The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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