You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
