Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
