jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
