oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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