just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
