I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
