Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
