We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
