okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize