We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
