clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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