just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
