i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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