I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
