my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize