just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hippo gnu deer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
