So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
