I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
