At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
