Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
