nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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