Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
