Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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