drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
