i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
