Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
