I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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