Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
