I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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