There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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