pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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