ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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